RELOAD: Fat A$$ Friday!!

This post is now THREE YEARS OLD {and 2 days}. Lots of things have happened in that three year span of time. 

• 140.6 is not longer just a dream on my "list", it has been accomplished and it was awesome. I love looking forward and finding new ways to challenge myself. 
• I can check off the box that states I want a career in FITNESS-I am now a CPT, a Coach and Group Ex instructor. I get to spend my days getting others to their goals, one step at a time! 
• After I started following Sonja when I was "just a runner" and she was on Team Trakkers I dreamed of "someday" being on a team like that...and BOOM! I am heading into season 3 as a member of Team Rev3 Triathlon. 
• I have been a part of an amazing project and film-From Fat to Finish Line-with 11 other inspiring individuals that will MOTIVATE you to chase your dreams and make it happen! 

This blog is still going-even if I don't blog daily like I used to-as I evolve as a person and athlete, this will too! I have stories of OTHERS I want to share and I cannot wait to see what the next year has in store for me!

So, here is a visit back to Fat Ass Friday--one of my favorite, and most popular posts!

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Several people who know me now but did not know me during my "fat years" have a hard time believing that I was really as fat as I say I was. To those of you (and you know who you are) here it is. Proof in pictures. Yes, I really was more than 100lbs heavier than I am today. Yes, sadly it is all too true. 


A big plate of chicken wings must be in my peripheral.

 So, when I was at my parents house a couple weeks ago and my Dad wanted to show me some pictures from not so long ago--pictures from my Fat Days-I could not wait to check them out.

I used to hide from the camera because when I would see the pictures, I would not recognize the woman I had become. I had never struggled with my weight and to be walking around at this size was foreign to me. 

What I saw in my head did not match the person I saw in the mirror or in pictures.

Now when I look back at those pictures it is a bit of mixed emotion for me. On one hand, I am proud of myself for finally saying "enough is enough" and making the decision to take control of my life. On the other hand, I am saddened to know that at one time, I was in a very different place.

I don't know what's worse: the double chin or the double belly roll



oh.my.  Back fat rolls!!



But I have to embrace FAT JEN because without going THERE...I would not be here. And you know what? HERE is a pretty great place to be! And now we are working on FrankenJen (but that is a different post all together)



Running-it does the body (and the mind) good! Sept 2010



My husband is an absolute rockstar for sticking with me thru thick and thin (pun totally intended!!). When we started dating I was in pretty good shape and then over the next several years I just blew up. 

Then one day something in me just snapped and that was it. I had a plan and nothing was going to stop me until I achieved my goals and lived my dreams. 



Much healthier and happier, Michelle and Me at the Mainiac Sprint Tri Sept 2010

Along the way those goals and dreams changed and grew. The goals got bigger-the dreams became a reality. I found a new self confidence in being able to achieve things I never thought possible. I discovered just how strong I can be and how far I can push myself.

I have met some amazing people along this journey. Quality people who don't care what label lines my clothing or what bag I am carrying around. People who inspire me and motivate me to achieve new goals and dream even bigger than before.

When I started on this path, the thought of running one mile without stopping seemed impossible.

I could not wait to run my first 5k race.

I cried the first time I ran 5 miles without stopping.

I celebrated my first real push up with a big ole "HELLLLLL YA!"

Today I dream of running 26.2 miles after biking 112 and swimming 2.4~and with absolute truth I tell you that I will accomplish this. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will be done.

Today I dream of taking my passion for health and fitness and making it my career when I return to the working world.

Today I dream of inspiring others to reach for their goals-no matter how big or how small.

Reach deep down inside of yourself and find that fire that ignites your soul. Let that desire fuel your motivation to do the work necessary to be a success. Achieve the things you never thought possible. Do not let anyone or anything stand in your way or deter you from your goals.

It can be done.

What do YOU want to achieve? 

What goal do you have in your sights?

Cutting Off Limbs {reload}

...cuTTiNg oFF LiMbS...

Big or small, we all have had limbs that need to be cut--It doesn't matter if you needed pruning shears or a commercial chainsaw.

A few years after I moved into my house, I decided that I wanted to plant more trees. I only had 2, so I added 3 more. I chose specific trees for specific spots for specific reasons. At first, each of my new trees had stakes with wires that wrapped around the trunk. I didn't like the way it looked but I knew that it was important in order for them to grow straight and be protected when storms or high winds came. Soon, it was time to remove the support system. My trees were big enough to stand alone.

After a couple of years, I was excited to see that my trees began to grow...so much so that they needed trimming. My brother, that doubles as my handyman, explained how you know what branches to cut off. Any branches that were too low or growing down or even small branches growing inward, needed to be trimmed off because they were taking "energy" away from the healthy branches and doing nothing to help the tree become bigger and stronger. It's important to not wait too long because as long as there are branches that need trimming still there...they are taking energy and nutrients away from the branches that are good. And if you never trim the tree, it will never become as big or strong or beautiful as it COULD have been.

Back in February, I did something I thought I would never do...something I thought I would never need to do. I started seeing a therapist. My marriage was a mess and demons from the past were haunting me. I felt like I needed someone to talk to that didn't know me and wouldn't judge me. I still remember the first day sitting in a strange room...on an old ugly couch...looking at a stranger...as I wept uncontrollably and tried to tell her all the things that have hurt me or that are bothering me...in an hour. I am a control freak. I like to have control because there were times as a child when I had all my power taken from me...times when I should've been protected but I wasn't...feelings I felt that were not feelings I should have been feeling at that age. And so I try to have as much control now as I can, even though it doesn't change the past. I like to do things how I want to do them...when I want to do them. I like to always look just right and stay composed when I can. I felt so out of control...so ugly...so damaged. This was completely out of my comfort zone, but there was something strangely comforting at the same time about just getting it all out...telling all my secrets...admitting my shame...letting myself be vulnerable.


After I purged myself of all the things that were bothering me...I quickly began to try and regain control by telling the therapist what exactly I was doing to make changes and try to correct these problems. I told her how hard it was/is and how disappointed and upset some people were with me. I told her that I felt alone and scared. Finally, when I let her speak, she looked at me surprisingly unfazed and said,

"You have been hurt badly. You have held it in and made the choice to never use these things as an excuse to protect everyone else and keep a sense of pride. No one would ever believe the things that you have suffered because you have covered them up so well. Now, you have chosen to correct this by cutting off the things and people that cause you pain. The problem is that you are like a tree that hasn't ever been pruned. Instead of getting rid of these things as they came, you waited and let them continue to grow. You had so many limbs to cut off that you now feel very bare and very alone."

This made perfect sense. I had let things grow that should have been cut off sooner and made some huge changes in my life. It wasn't until the secret pain became unbearable that I finally did something about it...and I did it all at once. It has been scary to make these decisions and hard to deal with the consequences that have followed, but every day is a little better. New branches are growing where old, unhealthy ones were and the people that love me are learning to accept my changes and love me unconditionally.

So, you probably wonder what this has to do with anyone other than me. It's a warning if you will. Don't let unhealthy "branches" grow on your "tree" because it seems too hard to get rid of them. Take the things out of your life that weigh you down or keep you from reaching your true potential. Don't have friends that don't accept your commitment to eat and live healthy. Don't surround yourself with jealous people that want to drag you down. Avoid unhealthy relationships that cause you to doubt your worth and rob you of your goals. And when you do need to cut off branches, be brave. Value yourself enough to put in the work it takes to be your best. Don't be afraid of feeling alone at times or vulnerable, because in time you will be glad you made the changes. Finally, don't be too proud to ask for help. When trees have large branches that break or need to be removed, sometimes it takes a professional because the job is too big to do on your own. Rely on the people that care about you to help you make changes. 

I cannot take credit for this blog post--but it is one of those powerful messages that I think everyone should read and anyone could apply to their own life. 
I just had to share. From the blog STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY

Just as it takes pruning to help a tree grow tall and strong, it takes making uncomfortable changes in our own lives to become the person we are meant to be. After the struggle...because of the work it takes to get there...in the end...we will become stronger than we ever thought possible

~Jen

{silly} Dreams

Well it's Monday and there is only one week left in the month of February!
Can you believe it?

My first "race" of the season is in just a month, The Nor'Easter Reverse Tri. Eeek.

Speaking of races, I had a very strange dream last night. I was doing a fun tri at the local high school and after the swim and bike, the run was broken up into segments where you had to answer trivia questions or complete a task every 1/2 mile or so to continue on the race course. Well I did not have my running shoes and I did not want to run in my bike shoes so I went barefoot. And it hurt. A lot!  I started skipping and running sideways--and at the same time, I was SO annoyed that I was losing time with a slow run. I was cursing but running anyway. I don't remember much more than that part but...How strange/hilarious is that??

I was sick for a few days early last week so it was not the week I was hoping for but-what can you do?
I ran 17 miles-sad. I'm celebrating 17 miles of running. My average weeks used to be 35-30 pre-injury.) I got out for my first run outside since I hurt my knee on Jan 2nd. 4.6 miles in the cold winter wind and it was glorious! I ran 4 times though and they were all pain free.
I biked 39 miles-again, nothing epic here. 3 rides with one being a brick.
I swam once, 1800 yards. It was a rough swim to start since I had been out of the water for about 2 weeks but after a bit I found my groove and felt good.
The end of the week also got me into the gym for a couple really good weight sessions!

This week will be much better!

My Monday indoor cycling class has been changed to Tuesday so I am definitely looking forward to that tomorrow. I think I am going to swim before or after class.
I'd like to get at least 3 hour long swim sessions in this week so I don't lose all the ground I gained since the last TI class.

Did you enter my Tough Chik giveaway yet? Make sure you do--you can enter here.
Make sure you check out the Tough Chik blog too!

Here are great new foodie blogs I found last week that I think are worth sharing with you:

The Athlete's Plate-between the nut butter and burger recipes he's got up, I'm in a daze at what to make next. His egg salad with hummus was a winner and my lunch yesterday.

Healthy Exposures- this link will bring you right to Sweet Potato Waffles. I think I shorted out my laptop drooling on this recipe. But she has tons of other yummy things to drool over like Almond Joy Nut butter. Check it out!

Yes, the commonality there is nut butter. Both sites have some amazing recipes for making your own at home and I think I am going to give this a whirl. Considering the closest retailer of Justin's Nut Butter is 30 mins north, I think I need to try this out.

What are some of your favorite sites for healthy recipes??
What's on your agenda for this week?

Go for it!

Competition.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about being competitive and racing. We shared our different views on the subject-She is ultra competitive, on top of all her race stats and those in her direct (and indirect) "line of fire". The goals of winning and/or beating certain individuals is what gives my friend one big dose of motivation.

My perspective on competition thus far really has more to do with beating myself. Setting goals, meeting them and then raising the bar a bit higher is what has been my motivating factor. Getting faster, going longer and seeing consistent improvement with my performance has been my reward.

Winning.

My friend wants to win. It is not the end all be all of her existence but it is something she strives for~her goals are set on AG wins and overall wins. She knows what she wants and has a plan to do just that!

I don't go into a race with thoughts of winning. The one time I went into a race with thoughts of an age group placement did not come to fruition. Lesson learned. I have been lucky enough to have some good races this season and won or placed in my age group several times. Getting second in my age group at my first triathlon was amazing and a totally unexpected treat.

Don't get me wrong-placing in my AG at any race is great/fun/exciting and now that I have had a small taste of it, I want to continue to improve as an athlete. It is tangible proof to me that I have come SO far.

Two years ago I could not even fathom doing a triathlon. Two years ago I could only dream about running a 1/2 marathon-never mind setting my sights on Boston "someday". Two years ago my goal was to lose fat, get my body healthy and fit enough to run a mile or two without stopping. Mission accomplished.

To me, racing is issuing a challenge to myself. Complete this race in XX:XX amount of time. Improve on this or don't do that. It is a learning experience and a way for me to measure my own success. I try not to get all caught up in the winning.

In the last few days, the conversation with my friend has been replayed and thought of several times. I am afraid that she may have awoken a sleeping tiger. A bit of drive hidden deep within. The desire to pursue bigger goals.

Being so new to running (and even newer to triathlon) I still have so much to learn, so much training, smaller goals to accomplish and so much more room to grow as an athlete.

I mean really--I finally got off the treadmill in Jan 2010 and started running outside. I have only just begun dipping my toes in the waters of swimming in July. I started cranking out some cycling miles this summer~on a beast of a bike to boot!

But why can't I dream big? Why can't I have expectations of winning?

I can and I will. I truly believe you can do anything you set your mind to do. If you have the passion and the drive, you can make those dreams a reality. I am living proof of that. I have achieved each goal I have set for myself and then some.

I just think right now is the time to continue learning, striving to better myself and making new goals. The time will come soon enough when I will allow my focus to shift into a more competitive mode. Then I will change my focus and put my eyes on the prize-the medal, the golden cup, the win.

So watch out Ms.MastersWinner, I am behind you now and getting closer and closer each race. One of these days I am going to catch you. And maybe, just maybe one day I am going to beat YOU and win.