Sunday, September 2, 2012

I Googled What?

Saturday was a pretty cool day...then things got hot. Really hot!

I got in my early morning training session and then I hit up the track with Hubby for his training session (that's another post all together!) and then we came home to prepare a healthy meal loaded with stuff from our home garden.

Right now we are sitting on a ton of peppers (remember this post) and tomatoes so dinner was going to be veggie rice with giant salads.

Hubby gets busy chopping up the peppers-fresh jalapeno and bell peppers-for the rice and I was tending to Lola. Then I hear him screaming for help and see him rush into the bathroom, to the bathroom sick with a towel in his hand.

My first thought, of course, is that he cut his hand or finger while chopping the peppers.

No. That was not it. Not even close...

Do you know what happens when you are cutting up jalapeno peppers and then touch your nether regions??

This is a picture of some FIREBALLS.
Let's just say that this is a very appropriate term for what we were dealing with.
Hubby is hurting, really hurting and I tell him to get in the shower and wash the effected area.

This provided no relief and he was literally begging me for help. I have never had FIREBALLS before so I did not know what to suggest. I know that I like to eat hot food and that sour cream or milk usually help but would milk products help with the Twig 'n Berries too?

I told him to "hang tight" and I'd go Google it.
Yes, Google.

I Googled "I touched a jalapeno pepper and then touched my penis. How do I stop the burning?" and I got a plethora of results. I was having quite an enjoyable time reading some of the situations and suggestions that popped up but I needed to tend to the problem at hand.

Suggestion #1: MILK

Now, Hubby agreed to let me blog about this but he insisted on NO PICTURES. I did bring my phone with me (great Instagram moment, right?) but he was pretty firm on his NO.

Lola is the only one in the house who drinks cow milk so we had a bit left of a quart sized container. Suboptimal for the situation at hand so I created a replenishing milk waterfall to try and neutralize the pepper oils smothering Jim and the Twins. Picture this, a grown man standing nude in the shower while I pour milk from a cup over his junk, into a "catch basin" below and then repeating this process over and over. All the while I am trying to keep Lola occupied elsewhere in the house, this was something she did not need to see!  All the while, I am trying to control my laughter and not doing a very good job at it.

While the ice cold milk from the fridge provided some relief (he said it was a cold at the Atlantic ocean), he did not get much pain relief from the Milk Method. Hubby said enough and asked that we try something else.
Onto the next suggestion, which was Calamine lotion.

Suggestion #2: Calamine Lotion

We don't have any so I call his Mom, who lives next door. No answer, which means she is on the phone. NEXT. I was really looking forward to her calling me back...

After reading some more Google suggestions and tricks, I discovered that you need to give the Milk Method enough time to actually break down the capsicum and neutralize it.

I then had an idea.

My Suggestion #3: Greek Yogurt

Greek yogurt is thick and would cover more area than the milk waterfall method. By this point, the Hubby was up for anything so I slathered Admiral Winky and his two soldiers up with some plain Greek yogurt. He then set up camp in his office, spread out on the couch on a giant beach towel while I kept Lola busy. Now she is getting very curious as to what is going on!

Not much time had passed and Hubby cried Uncle on the Greek Yogurt method, calling this one a failure.

Suggestion #4: Rubbing Alcohol

So it was back into the shower to clean off the yogurt and then apply a generous amount of rubbing alcohol to the Unit. Finally, he got some relief from the burning. Within minutes, the pain was at a tolerable level.

He had also touched his face and nose and was having some burning there so he applied the rubbing alcohol to that area too! Another success.

Now, please note that Hubby washed his hands thoroughly after cutting the jalapeno peppers! So when you read these warnings about wearing gloves when cutting hot might want to listen.

While this incident provided us with some fun entertainment for the evening (well, maybe I was the only one entertained) it is not something I suggest you try at home.


Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Ok, I have a question. He touched his winky WHILE he was cutting the jalapenos or did he go to the bathroom and touch his winky? Just thinking about cross-contamination... I bet he doesn't even let you GROW jalapenos next year, let alone not offer to cut them!

Jason said...


I am crying from laughing. That is just too too too funny.

Jen Small said...

he was done chopping the peppers, washed his hands and then shortly after that, he had to "make an adjustment" to the equipment.

commence burning...

fancy nancy said...

The poor guy but seriously I would have been giggling so bad!!!

Katie said...



LittleRachet said...

That is hysterical! I feel bad for him and the pain he went through, but wow! Someone out there will read this and it WILL end up in a movie somewhere. Probably in a scene from a first or second date. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Hollywood said...

Yeah...that's very unfortunate. As a guy I didn't laugh, I just winced instead.


Simply a maneuver to have sex... and promote foreplay.... did he suggest whip cream and cherries??

Carolina John said...

That is really tough. I haven't had it affect me that badly before, but I've certainly had the unfortunate burning from hot peppers. The way you tell the story is really amusing! Well done.

TriMOEngr said...

Funniest post ever. Morese with all the ways you came up to name his penis. I'll forever remember the value of gloves when handling peppers. Ouch!!

Greg Soutiea said...

Haha wow hilarious, sorry. Also is bad if you accidentally get icy-hot or other similar product on the boys, not a fun time. However now I know rubbing alcohol may help!

Melissa said...

This is hilarious! Same thing happened to my hubby a while back and now I'm the assigned JalapeƱo dicer ;-) Your garden sounds awesome.

Jen said...

I don't know how in the world you kept Lola entertained and how you kept a straight face! I've been laughing my ass off the entire time reading this. I really hope he's doing okay now! Poor guy.

Mike said...

Ha, I chuckled reading this. :-). I clean then cook jalepeno poppers a lot so I could totally see me being in the same predicament with the under carriage. I need to buy some gloves. Thanks!

Matty O said...

I am forever fearful of scratching my nuts after cooking now! LOL

Poor guy.

Glad he is hitting the pavement w/ you on the training :)

M. Louise Cunningham said...

OMG... how funny.. he is a good sport to let you blog about his "incident" Glad to hear he's ok and there's no permanent damage! ;)

Donna said...

I just realised why David always wears gloves or uses a kitchen towel when cutting peppers or why he asks me to! OMG this is awesome! Haha and now your blog will come up on the google search ;-)

Neil Richard said...

Two suggestions. First, don't forget to brush your teeth or this might happen:

Second, vodka. Works wonders on lots of stuff but can remove the heat from peppers.

Oh, and thanks for the laugh (and for not taking pictures).