Thursday, July 14, 2011

You just don't "get it"

Ugggh. Time to vent.

The same battle, a different day.

"how long will you be gone?"
"I have a 40 mile ride with a 5 mile run"
"how long will you be gone?"
"I need to swim a mile and then bike 55"
"how long will you be gone?"
"I have a 2 hour run"
"how long will you be gone?"
"I'm going to Lake Winnipesauke for the day to ride and swim. I'm leaving at 5 am and I'll be back by dinner"
"how long will you be gone?"
"I have a race simulation-about 5 hours"
Yes, training is in full effect and I am loving it.
I read a blog post today by Mary: IronMatron and it made me think.
(go read it and come back)
Am I being selfish/self centered about this?
Am I putting MY own personal needs ahead of my family?
But my husband seems to think so and my training schedule has been the crux of each and every single complaint he has for the last several weeks.
Something went wrong with the car? Must be Jen's training schedule.
The economy sucks? Jen's training schedule.
It's 99* and humid as heck? Yup, that dang training schedule again.
The steak is over cooked? Hmmm, Jen was training too long.
Let's have a little refresher course here.
2.5 years ago I fat. miserable. empty. void.
2.5 years ago I made a decision to chance.
2.5 years ago I could not fathom a sprint triathlon, never mind Timberman.
I have spent the last 2.5 years losing the fat and losing the miserable. I have grown into a strong, confidant woman-Timberman, my first 70.3, is the culmination of that hard work.
And it won't end there as I see this as the BEGINNING>
"I think people's passions often mask deep personal issues they are trying to bury or destroy"
Am I doing Timberman to prove something to myself? You bet you I am.
I am destroying that fat, insecure girl who did not believe in herself enough to stand up for what she wants.
I am proving to MYSELF that I am strong-mentally and physically-and that I can ENDURE.
I am pursuing a passion with wild abandon.
I am saying GO FOR IT. Live. Chase that rainbow.
Do what makes you happy girl because there are no second chances and there is no re-do button.

So, how about a little more support here Mr Husband?
Can we look outside the box and look at the BIGGER picture?
This is not about a 2 hour run or a 4 hour bike ride.
How about seeing that this race is a giant personal achievement for me?
How about seeing how happy I am and that triathlon has brought nothing but GOOD to my life?
So you are a training widow for a few more weeks-so what!
I am a football, hockey, baseball, golf, beer drinking widow year round for many, many years and it's about time I did something for ME!!
And I won't make a single apology for it.


misszippy said...

Sorry you've got this going on. It's a really tough situation that I'm sure many endurance athletes face. Stick with what your gut tells you--that a healthier, happier you is better for everyone. Take care.

Emily Manship, CPT, Yoga Instructor said...

Jenn... I have watched you on this journey, and you and your results have blown me away. I totally believe in you. If we had looked fwd 2.5 yrs I never would have imagined how far your journey would take you in such short time. I don't do the races that you do. I like mine short and sweet, but I do know the demands of mommyhood, and therefore my training for my races has been limited, because I do feel guilt and give up my time. I agree w/ your point--we are always supportive of the things they do, and it should be equal across the board. Go on w/ your strong self!


Yes, the overcooked steak is totally your fault. ;)

I (and you) know you are making the right choices and it's not selfish to do so. The benefits of you living a healthy life will far outweigh the "time away".

I hope you start to feel less resistance on this issue. Hugs!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Kinda feel like I could have written this post, I understand this

Kristin said...

WOW!! sit down and tell him what it means to you! Its so nice to have someone who is into what you are doing and somehow involve him if he is into doing the things you are. As I am facing work, children and a full Ironman, I need my honey more than anything and he knows that! Im sorry you are going through that! It stinks! I totally know where you are coming from because I was that same person you described 5 years ago!! Stick with it and follow your dreams!!! :)

Karen A. said...

My therapist tells me that in her experience, the comments that come from others comes from a place of their own self-esteem issues.

I don't think it's too much to ask that your husband give you some support instead of the snide comments.

Hugs in the meantime. Sucks to feel like you're fighting to get time to train.

Jason said...

You know where you can come to vent in more explicit terms than this.

It is not easy but it is worth it and he will see that in the end b/c L will grow up a confident woman because her mommy led the way.

Keep doing what you do because you inspire and motivate.

You are my girl and you let me know what I need to do to make your life easier.

CautiouslyAudacious said...

Keep up your training there are a lot of use right there with you going through the same questions! I lucked out this season and he has been gone a lot so hasn't noticed as much. But the other weekend I took him along for a bike ride and even though it meant I had to do a much shorter distance it made him feel a part of it. I did have to turn down a weekend with his family in order to be able to train and that didn't go over well but we worked through it. Good luck and keep on keepin' on!!!

Katie said...

you tell him. i hope you can find balance at home, i know it's always tough.

TRI714 said...

This is not that uncommon. Hang in there and do the best you can, hopefully he will come around. I think we all experience this to an extent when the other has the opposite passion. Love life now. Make exceptions where you can. Understand that they don't understand the way you feel. It's impossible for a person to have the same release and feelings as an active athlete training at this level. IMPOSSIBLE.
VENT AWAY, it is good for you.

Christy said...

Wow, seems like there is a lot of this going around! I dropped from a full ironman to a half and have been fighting bitterness. But I will get my day I know I just have to be patient. Training/Racing is my outlet. It is my achievement. I've always been a goal oriented person and when I stopped setting goals, I lost myself, I was miserable. So what if I finish one goal and set another! That is who I am!!!

Know that you are not alone! We are in this together!!!! Good luck with absolutely everything!

Julie said...

I get the same thing during heavy training season, but everything you said is SO true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO TRUE!!!!!!!

runnerwannabe said...

Sorry you are having a tough time. Men are so clueless when it comes to what we need. just keep explaining and maybe eventually it will get through to him,

Kabekona Tri Girl said...

You gotta be true to YOU. And he is just going to have to suck it up and endure til the race is over. You rock and you are so totally worth it. :)

trifitmom said...

sorry. i feel bad and i am only training for an olympic.

i really hope this turns around and the full support is there...

Haley @ Climb Run Lift Mom said...

Good for you Jen :) I can imagine how difficult balancing all that can be to juggle but it's only going to be crazy for a short time so hopefully you can all cope with this as a family and come out of that much stronger.

Jamie said...

I've had those same battles. A lot more recently lately too.

It happens to everyone (doing this crazy triathlon thing).

Keep your eye on the prize. Hubby may not be acting like he gets it, but he does. I promise.

Tammy Wallwork said...

Believe it or not, this post made me cry, lol I'm so proud of you Jenn...and I'm right there with you on how it makes you its not selfish....Whenever I get feeling like I'm being selfish in this way, I think of what a role model I'm being for my children...and you are such a role model for your little Lola...and she will be so incredibly proud of you ! She will no doubt be bragging to her friends, and aspiring to do the things you do! My parents were huge into sports, but all I ever heard were stories...they believed their day was over...sports and physical activity alluded me. But if I saw my parents training and playing, man, my life would have been so different. (I'm not complaining about my parents...they were great people...still are...but they believed they were has-beens and that developed who I became, until now!) I do hope your hubby comes around! maybe if he read your post ? and these comments? or would that upset him more?

Stephanie Anne said...

LOVE this post.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your needs. Its too bad your husband cant support the amazing effort & work you are putting in. People who aren't into this whole running/triathlon thing have a hard time understanding why we would want to 'waste' 3 hours on a nice saturday training, but in reality its exactly what we want to be doing.

Keep doing what you believe in!

Miguel Vieira said...

Hey girl, I am a husband, father of two lovely daughters, and aspiring Ironman.. I know your feeling. I am, however lucky to have a wife who sees lots of positives (other than the 12Kgs of fat I've lost) in my training and competing. Your kids will grow up confident because you are a strong mother and a positive role model! Hang in there girl!! Hang in there!

Kerrie T. said...

Great post. I love my hubs, but sometimes he just doesn't get it. We've had many, many arguments about running and racing. :(

Detroit Runner(Jeff) said...

Been there. Done that. It's hard to train, be married, do things with the family, etc. You are not alone in your fight for fitness and training.

Caratunk Girl said...

Oh Jen. I am so so sorry you have to deal with this. If you need a vent/chat/anything let me know.

All I can say is that your attitude is 100% spot on and you need to be happy and healthy - you know this. Lola knows this too. You are an amazing person and so strong!

AND it is my experience, that men who are used to us being the "widow" don't like it when things get turned around and suddenly they see what it is like. Men can be such babies.

You are going to do so awesome on the T-man course, and you totally deserve the opportunity to train. Lots and lots of support and huts.

fancy nancy said...

I'm so sorry that you are facing this wall! It is a tough one that I feel your pain with. I always have to ask permission before I start training and even then it's a struggle that takes constant, "You said I could" reminding. Hang in there!!! You're a rocking mom and wife!!!

Cari Mugz said...

I am not a misery loves company person.... but sometimes it's good to know I am not the only one :)

You are NOT selfish... but I know it's hard.

You are awesome