FULL CIRCLE

When I started my own journey back in 2008, I was quite alone. I had just had my daughter and went from working full time in a very full and busy medical office to being home with just me and Lola. And trying to figure out being a mom and getting healthy. 

I then discovered this great little online Mom's group and found an entire community of Mom's getting healthy - JUST LIKE ME - and I found "my people". I loved that little group so much (Work it out Sexy Mamma) and it was really get to connect with others all over the country to exchange ideas, challenges, and just talk. They were so integral in getting me to a really good place.

Life got busy and my focus changed - from weight loss, to running to triathlon and I lost touch with that group but still connected with a handful via Facebook. 

Here we are, 8 years later. Lola is now 8. I left a toxi marriage. I moved. I discovered so many things about me. The last year of my life has been so chaotic and stressful and fantastic, all at the same time. 

I am starting over in so many ways - a new life, a new love, a new perspective. I am starting from base on training. I have a long way to go to get back to where I was as an athlete. So much has changed but so much has come full circle. 

And now that the movie, From Fat to Finish Line is out, a whole new world of friends and opportunity to help OTHERS has opened up from OUR online community. Now it is my chance to pay it forward. 

I  want to share this blog post from my FFtFL cast mate, John: 

Friday, October 21, 2016

From Fat To Finish Line - The Facebook Group

If you know me at all, you know that I am very proud of my involvement with the documentary film, "From Fat To Finish Line." It's the story of a dozen people who each lost weight through running and then took on the challenge of the Ragnar Relay Race in the Florida Keys. We battled the heat, the humidity, and the miles, and *spoiler alert* we ultimately crossed the finish line as a team. It was one of proudest moments as a runner.

The film is available now for purchase on iTunes and Amazon or you can watch it on NetFlix.

Believe it or not, the documentary isn't what I'm most proud of, though. It's amazing to be part of it, absolutely. But even more important to me is the community that has sprung up as a result of the film. Let me introduce you to From Fat To Finish Line - The Facebook Group.

Our little group of twelve has become a tribe of more than 7,000 people.

Yes. I said 7,000.

And we're still growing every single day. Because people want to be part of a running community that celebrates who they are right now AND who they want to become. We are fat and thin, tall and short, male and female, young and old. We are every color and religion and nationality. We strive to be the very best at welcoming all walkers/runners/joggers.

We celebrate miles. We cheer finish lines. We applaud non-scale victories. And most importantly, we recognize and support each other when those miles and finish lines and victories feel unattainable and out of reach.

We ARE the reason that people are pushing themselves to try more, to do more, and to be more. We are running buddies and shoulders-to-lean-on and a global support network unlike any other I have ever known.

Thanks to all of you in the group for becoming my running family. And to the rest of you, what are you waiting for? Come join us!

sweat & tears

I did not proof read this post. I did not use proper punctuation or grammar. I just wrote what was in my heart-

this mornings trainer ride was an interesting one to say for sure...
you see, tonight i am going to be speaking to a group of individuals that are starting THEIR own weight loss journey--i will be telling them about my own. i feel quite honored that i was asked to speak to them actually and i have always said that if i can inspire JUST ONE PERSON to change for the better (whatever their version of better may be) than i did something good.
i am a very happy person now and 99.9% of the time there is this giant grin plastered across my face. i love my life. i love the person i have become. i love the people that i am surrounded by. i feel very blessed.
and i worked damn hard to get here.
just a couple years ago i was in a much darker place. i was not the happy person i am today. i was actually very, very miserable and sad. empty. joyless. beaten. destroyed.
but i picked up the pieces one by one. and i rebuilt my life. myself. i healed old hurt. i found new ways to love me. i found bits of joy and shreds of sunshine coming into my life. things started to change. i was growing as a person on the inside while the outside was shrinking.
it was not an easy battle--and trust me, some days it was a battle. it was hard. and it was worth it.
but the joy did not just come from a smaller body. or a lower number on the scale.
the joy i found was in the small triumphs i had along the way.
running a single mile without stopping
running a 5k
being able to do real push ups
placing at my first race
running distances i could only dream about
completing my first triathlon

it was these moments that started to shape me in ways i never expected. i found joy in the hours on the roads. i found freedom swimming in the ocean. i found a new confidence in myself by doing these things that i never thought possible. i found out that i am a hell of a lot stronger than i ever gave myself credit for. i am a worthy individual that deserves joy, love, laughter and good things.
why had i allowed myself to be void of all these small pleasures before? why did i think i was not worth it??
well, there are so many reasons i felt that way-not loving myself enough was one of them. getting fat was just symptom of my inner disease. that disease was never thinking i was good enough.

so on the trainer this morning, i was thinking about some of the things i would say to this group and my mind just started to wander. then i thought about a post that Mary Iron Matron wrote the other day. then THAT song came up on my playlist. kinda dorky being miley cyrus and all but i remember listening to this* song over and over when i was 250+ pounds dreaming of the day i would run. running meant freedom to me. if i could run, i would have conquered the fat body that was trapping me. it was so.freaking.hard for me to run that fat. i could only go 15-20 seconds at a time, my heart rate would soar. but i kept running. and i'd run a little bit longer each time. reliving those memories this morning just brought me to tears. it broke me down. part happy and part sad. it's hard to explain...but while i was crying, i was celebrating. and cranking---hard. those intervals stood no chance today. i kicked the shit out 'em. and i dreamed of my first 70.3. and I could not get off the trainer. the puddle of sweat and tears just got bigger and bigger. i just wanted to go. and go. and go.
and i thanked GOD for the place i am now. and the places i have been.
because without those lows...you don't appreciate the high.

Here's THAT* song

I can almost see it.

That dream I'm dreaming, but

There's a voice inside my head saying

You'll never reach it

Every step I'm takin'

Every move I make

Feels lost with no direction,

My faith is shakin'

But I gotta keep tryin'

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side

It's the climb