Run Like Hell

The Mid-Winter Classic 10 Mile Road Race

Cape Elizabeth, Maine 

February 3, 2013

I signed up for this race quite a while ago and had some pretty solid goals for this race. I broke the 1:45 barrier on the half marathon distance in December so my goal to go sub 1:20 at a 10 miler was completely reasonable...until January happened.

I did a lot of traveling in January-Florida and Colorado-and come home from FL with a nasty chest cold that lingered through the Colorado trip and beyond. Lola was sick too and my training plan for the month was really screwed up! It's freaky to me to look into Training Peaks and see almost an entire week of RED BLOCKS from incomplete or missed workouts!

I chatted with Coach and we both agreed that it was smart to put any lofty goals on hold for the day and just run, call it a training day and take it mile by mile. I wasn't even sure if I was going to show up come 9:45 on Sunday morning. The weather has been COLD and they were predicting snow for the day. There was no way I wanted to prolong this chest cold in freezing temps to just run and not race. Then I found out that my girl, Mandy, would be there--you know, Caratunk Girl.

That's all I needed to know. I have not seen Mandy in a while and as long as the roads were safe to drive up to Cape E for the race, I'd be there.

It was cold, temps in the 20's and the winds brought the "feels like" temps down to about 10*. Layer, layer, layer and be smart! I walked into the High School for packet pick up and right away got to see my awesome Rev3 Team mate, Ryan. Then picked up my race bib.

REALLY?? C'mon....

Then I got to see Mandy.

And Jake.

DOUBLE BONUS!!

We made lots of jokes about my bib number and it was decided that I would RUN LIKE HELL!
The run's theme song would be "Running with the Devil" by Van Halen.


I also got to see running buddies Danielle and Sarah, whom I have not seen in forever!! Danielle is looking marvy with a little baby bump (25 weeks along and looking amazing).

chatting up Danielle and her cute bump

Got out to warm up a bit (ha ha) it was freezing and found Michelle in the parking lot. Lucky Michelle got to witness me christen the CEHS parking lot before the race (and dare I say this is not the first time I have done this...Beach to Beacon 2012!)

obviously, NOT peeing in the parking lot in this pic! 

Then I ran into Jen (yay!!) I've been wanting to meet this gal in real life for a while! She was pacing to what my goal time was today and I was hoping we could run together but...we lost each other before the start.

I lined up and started with Mandy, Michelle and a couple of her friends and just trotted along a bit. I was pretty happy at about 8:45 pace so just kept it there and went with it.

Michelle in Yellow, Mandy in Green and me in Pink (behind red guy)

The first five miles of the course are all rollers and I was feeling good and strong on the hills. Cadence was where it was supposed to be, I was running easy and keeping the HR in check. Pace was solid and consistent at 8:30's and I was feeling good. I hit the half way mark around 42:00 mins and was pretty sure I was on pace for a 1:25-ish finish time. The plan for the rest of the miles was to stay steady at 8:30 and pick it up the last 3 miles and finish strong-no mind to HR at that point.

The last two miles were quite comical--this is actually the flattest part of the course with a slight incline, but into a very cold and strong wind on this day. It was soooo cold and I felt like it was just pushing against me. Ok, it was pushing against me. I'd glance at the Garmin to see high 8:00's and low 9:00's flash at me and I was getting annoyed. To add insult to injury, I had peed a little and my entire inner thighs were wet and FREEZING.



NUMB cold freezing painful NUMB.

So I just chugged along and I spotted a local tri club gal, Kim up ahead about a half mile or so. I tried like the dickens to catch her but that would not happen today. I had no idea where the finish line was but we started in the HS parking lot so I figured it finished around there too. Sure enough, I saw the runners ahead turning into the school and I just kept running...and running...and running. It was a slight downhill to the finish line and boom! Done

1:26:04 for an 8:36 pace and 6th in my division.

Not bad for a training day and I will definitely return to run this route again. I loved it! Lots of little rollers and part of the course is along the Beach to Beacon course.
Next year that sub 1:20 finish is all mine.

awesome! Michelle and Mandy having fun

how cute is she?? GO JEN B
Happy to report that Jen finished in 1:19!! GO JEN GO!
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Team Rev 3, Day One in Colorado

The Team Rev 3 Summit was this past weekend in beautiful Boulder, Colorado and I was lucky enough to be able to go! What a whirlwind weekend for sure. It was great to meet up with my team mates from last season and welcome the NEWBIES to the team as well!!

I consider myself very lucky to be a part of such a wonderful organization like Rev 3 and blessed to be a part of a team that is truly a group of fantastic individuals. I've said it a million times, the sponsorship is an awesome perk but I'd be a part of this time even with none of these perks just because of the people-they are quality!

I had a early morning flight and got into Denver around 9:30am-just in time to meet up with my team mate, Elizabeth. We had decided to share a rental car for the trip so we could get around on our own schedule while there and this worked out great.

Elizabeth is a returning member to the team in 2013 but we did not really get chance to hang out in 2012. I knew within a short time that we would get along just fine--she is on-the-ball, hilarious and just as inappropriate as I am (if that is even possible). Plus, she was not shocked when I started stripping off my clothes in the parking lot of the rental car agency. Hey! When I left Maine at 4am, it was -5* (yes, that's below zero) and Denver was a very warm 65* - Denver mountain sun is a lot warmer than Maine sun. The fleece pants were coming off!

 I just wanted to drive right out to those snow covered mountains and play for days and days...

The two of us decided to drive to Boulder and check things out there. It was a mix of hippies, hipsters and bikes all over Pearl Street.

I spotted this bicycle get up immediately! Check this out-vintage QR frame with some HED's on it! so cool

 Then we decided to get personal with Spiderman

so mature!!

I had planned to meet up with my friend and athlete Scott (you must check out his blog, Train Fat Boy, Train) for lunch and a day of checking out the area and then a visit to my not-so-local bike shop, Kompetitive Edge.

After hanging in Boulder for a bit, we met up with Scott in Golden! What a lovely little town. I just LOVED Golden. We had all you can eat wood fired pizza and salad at this great little joint called Woody's. The napkins were bandanna's so again, Elizabeth and I were (again) very mature about it. I may or may not have walked out with said black bandanna.

After we had a lovely lunch with Scott and his wife, Scott and I went off to Kompetitive Edge and Elizabeth went for a walk around town with Kristine and her friend, Amity.

I was soooo stoked to finally get to KE and meet by "baby's" Godfather, Ryan.
(He built my QR and made her all pretty with her accessories)

 After haning out with the folks at KE, we made our way back to Golden. Scott had a team meeting with his Kompetitive Edge team, even though I consider myself a de facto member of the team, I was NOT formally invited (except by Brandon, thank you very much) so the girls went out for an evening walk and dinner in Golden.

We (Elizabeth, Kristine and Laila, Scott's adorable daughter) dined at a little place called Indulge.



Indulge we did. 

I indulged in the Kobe Beef burger, Le French.

Kobe beef with a fried egg, thick bacon and smothered in Bearnaise sauce and served with some of THE BEST sweet tater fries I've ever had!!
If you are in the Boulder area, definitely make the trip to Indulge.

Then it was time to walk off a bit of dinner...

Golden CO

Riding the bull in front of The Buffalo Rose

...and ride the bull in front of the local saloon! And yes, I am wear JEANS. A very, very rare sight indeed!

Elizabeth rode the local bike decorations-she is VERY aero in this pic!!

Laila on the "bike" 

Then it was time for B-E-D.
Laila so kindly gave up her trundle bed for Elizabeth and I to sleep in. Did I mention that Elizabeth is six feet tall???

The next morning would be time to play with the Team!
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Did you enter to win some Injinji socks?
I'm picking a winner on Monday!!

Enter HERE 

38,000 Feet

As we speak, I am almost 38,000 feet in the air, currently over Detroit on my way back from Boulder. I have been in Colorado for the last 5 days for the Rev3 Team Summit.

I left Denver International Airport just as it was starting to snow. I guess the East Coast is getting a snow storm as well and I was thinking that it was possible that my flight would be cancelled. (NoSuchLuck) Another day to play in CO would have been pretty cool. Instead, I hung out in the airport all afternoon with my team mate, Kate, and all was well. We will find out if all is well on the ground in New Hampshire soon enough...

The month of January has been one filled with adventure, new friendships, and bonding experiences like I have never had in my life. I am so blessed that I am able to literally live a dream and live this life that I am living right now.

I could not do this without the love and support of my family and for that I am forever grateful.

So on the heels of an amazing experience in Florida with the FFtFL team and running Ragnar, I just ventured out to Colorado for the Rev3 Team Summit. 

Team Rev3 Summit

WOW>This was amazing. Awesome. Incredible. Exciting. FUN.

Getting to spend several days with the team--old and NEW--was certainly such a different experience than racing or working an event. We got to meet with our sponsors, have some great team building exercises and had a lot of laughs!
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While you wait for the entire summary of the Rev3 awesomeness that was the summit, did you know I am doing a little sock giveaway?

Go check it out! Easy to enter!

I'm a Sock Snob-Wanna Win Some?

I am an admitted sock snob.

For years, I would only wear Balega's. 

Then I discovered Swiftwick and LOVE 'em. That is all that covers my toes. 

Recently, I was asked about Injinji socks.
I have never worn them. 
I have no opinion about them...so I ask you-
Have YOU tried them?

Do you WANT to try them?
One lucky MMM reader will win some socks from Injinji. All you have to do is visit the Injinji site and tell me ONE thing you learned.

Earn a bonus entry by sharing this post!!

GOOD LUCK

"friends don't let friends wear crappy socks"

Bienvenido a Miami! RagnarFLK Part II

Bone chilling temperatures came to Maine just as I was getting ready to head south to Florida. The timing could not have been better! I had been looking forward to this trip for so long, it seemed like Mother Nature was giving me the perfect send off to make sure I REALLY enjoyed the Florida sunshine!

I opted for a late night flight and would not arrive into Ft Lauderdale until 12:30am. I figured I'd just sleep on the flight (not really) or get some work done or read. I found a Starbucks in the airport and with my own little bit of Rocket Fuel, I was really ready to FLY!

I arrived in Ft Lauderdale to this!

My darling team mate John holding up my before/after magnet that would grace the van during the race!
I was so excited to finally meet John, he was one of those people I just connected with immediately and knew that we would get along famously!

Of course, me being me...we had go get slightly inappropriate in the airport in the middle of the night!

It was a quick drive to our hotel in Miami and I was ready for sleep!

Woke up the next morning to this view from my window

So naturally I dragged my room mate Carly, kicking and screaming  out into the sunshine for a cup of coffee and a quick walk just to see what the temps were like.

It was a gorgeous Miami morning and our quick walk turned into a leisurely 4 mile walk along the water. The day was starting to warm up and Coach has given me a run to complete so it was time to lace up and get moving!

I spent the next 8+ miles checking out the area of Route 1 and then Bricknell Key and then Miami River walk area. It was getting hotter but I was just so happy to be out RUNNING in this amazing sunshine! It had been years since I was in Miami and it was refreshing to see it with THESE eyes and on foot!

sweaty miles-taking a break at the Mardarin Oriental  

I had a couple hours to kill before I had to get ready for dinner and filming with The Today Show for our team dinner so I chatted with one of the local guys who was working on the film, Billy. Billy was heading out to take care of some film business and so kindly offered to take me down to South Beach. All I wanted to do was chill by a pool or by the beach!

After I walked around South Beach a bit and then settled into some calm reverie at the Ritz Carlton

So as you can see, life was NOT sucking sitting on a cushy lounge chair on South Beach-enjoying first class service and yummy iced tea!

I got to swim in the brilliant turquoise water and dig my toes into the white sand beach. I'm not quite sure why I even came home...

Billy was nice enough to come and pick me up later in the day, just in time to jump in the shower and get ready for our team dinner!

We were going to be filmed by the folks from The Today Show for a New Year New You piece they were doing--and they would be with us for part of the Ragnar Relay as well.

Dinner was being hosted by a place called Randazzo's Little Italy in Coral Gables. After a long 24 hours with not a lot of healthy fare, I was hungry and excited for a nice Italian dinner with my team mates!

After some filming business, we "wrapped" for the day. The owner came over and said a few hello's and shared with us how he started his restaurant-he was a former boxer and liked to eat. Then he disappeared  not to be seen again that night. It's really funny how awful the whole dinner experience was...and I almost feel bad for the people at Randazzo's (but not really).

Within a minute of sitting down--now mind you it's the 12 team mates, several spouses, and an entire film & production crew trying to get settled--we were asked by the tall blonde with a demanding Eastern European flair what we wanted for dinner. "You get 2 pasta and 2 salad. What do you want?"

Now first, we had to set up and arrange all of our own seating from small four-top tables (there must have been 35 of us) and we were not even given a menu so we had no idea what they ever offered. We were all kind of shocked and laughing like "what the heck is going on" and tried to figure out what we were doing. We have some team members who are very particular on what they eat, we have some that are gluten intolerant, etc. so getting a menu together for a group based on "2 pasta and 2 salad" was going to be an experience. We then discovered that the restaurant had been generous enough to offer our dinner gratis but apparently it was based on the "2 pasta 2 salad" deal and if we wanted anything other than that, we would be paying for our own dinner--and that was just fine with us!

So we got a veggie pasta dish, a chicken pasta dish and a vegetarian salad and one "meat salad" (as they called it). We finally had a server, got our orders figured out and wanted to EAT! Ada and I were going to split a chicken picatta dish and we'd have some of the pasta and salad.

The salad came out relatively quick compared to how the rest of the night's meal would progress. The salad was actually fantastic too-both of them!

They were antipasti style salads, the veggie one with tons of veg and artichoke hearts (love 'em!) and the "meat salad" had mozza cheese with salami chunks. Delish! They also served a crusty bread with a fantastic hot pepper & garlic olive oil. I could have had this as a DRINK it was sooo good.

It is a good thing that I liked the salad and the bread so much because it would be a LONG time before we say any other food...or plates.

The veggie salad-yummm

the "meat salad" equally yumm

my very empty plate-we would spend A LOT of time together

with Team Captn Rik

The service was just down right horrible. The waiter who had our section just seemed pissed off whenever we asked for anything. I mean, really...we did not have any plates other than our appetizer plates. We were never asked for drink orders (though we did have water). I'm find with water but an iced tea would have been nice.

It was taking SO long for our dinner orders to come out that one team member John finally spoke up and asked. John explained that we had been waiting a very, very long time and we were so hungry he did not really care WHAT they served at this point! I think we had been waiting close to two hours by now. We did not order any appetizers other than the salad that was offered so no idea what the problem would have been.

Pasta was finally delivered to the table. Now, one of my team mates--Jersey Jen--is gluten intolerant and they had been made aware of this long before our visit. They even said that they had gluten free pasta just for Jen! What a happy surprise when they remembered and brought out the special plate of gluten free pasta topped with....

wait for it

GLUTEN!! 
The chicken was covered in flour and sitting on top of the gluten free pasta.
At this point we just had to laugh. So we made jokes about it and Jen continued to eat more salad and eat around the Gluten Covered Chicken Chunks.



Then Katie ordered chicken lemone and asked that it be prepared sans butter or oil. Not only did the waiter give her hard time about it, but it came out swimming in...

wait for it

OIL. You can read about Katie's take on our team dinner on her blog Runs for Cookies.

So really, dinner was just SO BAD it was comical. We ended up making jokes all night and even invented our own word.

Randazzo'd

Randazzo'd-getting totally frickin screwed on something that could have been really good.

Regardless of the disaster that was dinner, we laughed and enjoyed spending time with our team mates. It was a good night and a great way to be starting 2013...now to sleep!

I'm Home-Ragnar FLK Part I

**written just I got home from Florida, jacked up on NyQuil and feeling quite awful** 

All I know is it is going to take several posts to put together my experience with the From Fat to Finish Line crew and the whole Ragnar experience. It was one in a lifetime I tell ya!! What an adventure.

We laughed.
We cried.
We ran.
We swore. A lot.
We got really hot.
We loved every single moment.

Where to start? I have no idea. My mind and heart are just flooded with the images and moments from the last 6 days in Florida; I am a little overwhelmed (in an amazingly good way) by the whole experience now that I have a moment to sit down and breathe.

Actually, the breathing isn't going to well at the moment as this little chest cold is the one thing I brought back from Florida that could stay there...but what else could I expect from staying up for nearly 40 hours straight, feeding my body "food" it wasn't used to and running a 197 mile relay in hot humidity? I knew I'd come home and get sick.

What I am walking away from this experience with is a full heart and 11 friends that will forever have a place in my heart. Doing a Ragnar Relay has been on my "List" for a long time, since I started taking running seriously, so when I got the invite to do this project it was an easy YES! I am so grateful that THIS was my first Ragnar! Yes, FIRST. You bet your running shoes I'll do more!! What an experience...LOVED IT!

I am actually struggling to put into words all that I experienced this weekend. I think I need a few more days to let it all sink in...so here is a little note from Team Capt'n, Rik, aka Captain Crunches. He says how I feel right now so much better than I do!

As we drive north, I am seeing landmarks from the run. And I am struck by how far we have come, in so many ways. 

First and most obviously, we ran a long, long way, doing something together that none of us could have done alone. And it was truly amazing. And so big, physically and emotionally, that I know I will be months processing it all. 

Then I think about how so many of us have never seen this part of the country, and how, if it wasn't for this team, we may never have. 

Then I think back about this team coming together: how we were all just acquaintances at first, then teammates, and finally, a family. We made that huge and wonderful transition in less than one year.

And then I go back even one more level, back before we knew each other. At one point, we were all sitting on our couches, fat and miserable, thinking this was our lot in life. And one day, each of us decided that wasn't going to be the end of our story, and we each got up off that couch and figured it out. We each found our own path, and we each found our way into a pair of running shoes. Then we found other runners, and a new community, and a new way of life.

And then, we were ready for all this to happen.

From Fat to Finish Line. 

Gate C14 - Florida Bound!

No time like the present to keep up on my promise to blog more! Here it is the second day of the New Year and I'm blogging already! (ha ha ha)

I am currently sitting at Gate C14 of Logan Airport in Boston, waiting for my flight south to Florida where I will embark on one of the most exciting adventures to date. If you have been a reader for a while, you know that I am headed to Miami to run the Ragnar Relay to Key West with 11 other amazing people. While we are running, we will also be filming a documentary film--From Fat to Finish Line!

Make sure you check us out on Facebook and Twitter to follow along!
Facebook
Twitter 

Time flies...it seems like just yesterday I was being asked to be a part of this amazing project.
I spent a lot of time in South Florida. During that time, I was in a very different mind set and my priority would have been more party focused than anything else. Having left that part of me behind quite a few years ago, it is going to be a very interesting experience being there--and running from Miami to Key West--with a very different, healthier set of eyes.

I am certainly expecting some tears to flow. Not sad tears, happy tears.
Happy that I am where I am right now.
Has it been easy? NO
There have been some tough times and struggles. But everything happens for a reason (or so I believe with all my heart) and each and every step brought me HERE.
To this moment.
To right now. 

To fully embrace the NOW and the NEW and THIS LIFE, I have to be thankful for the hard times and the pain. IT just makes it all so much sweeter NOW.

Every step I have taken has brought me right where I need to be.

I am so excited and ready for this. I have said before I started this blog to inspire others to change.
Now, being able to be a part of something so much bigger--to inspire and motivate MORE people through this film, it is just so awesome!!

So in a few minutes, I'll jump on a plane and head south.
And run a bunch of miles.
And make a movie.
And enjoy every minute of it.

Bye Bye 2012

Wow, has it really been THAT many days since my last blog post??

My sincere apologies for NOT blogging but life has been crazy (and I mean CRAZY) the last couple weeks...so much so that I have not even had a few minutes to sit down and jot down my thoughts (which were in the thousands! ha). Life has delivered some topsy-turvy times with some ups and downs and this gal is just rollin' with the punches. But just when things seem darkest, that is when you notice the little bits of light shining through and it gives you hope.

No matter what this little ole world throws at me, I am strong and I am resilient. I will be just fine.
Having an amazing support system of family and friends also helps :) and they have been amazing.

My word for the last couple years has been BELIEVE. A word that still serves me well and I believe that everything is going to be just the way it needs to be! 

So do you think things are going to settle down now? 

HECK NO!!

In two sleeps, I will be hopping on an airplane and heading SOUTH to sunny Florida to run with my From Fat to Finish Line crew, film a little movie and have an absolute BLAST!!

I cannot believe IT is here already...so many months in the making and the time just flew by! 

Then once I get home from Florida, it's off again to snowy Colorado to see some of my favoritist people in the entire world (more on that later!). I just love my Rev3 peeps and I am one lucky gal to have a crew like them around me. I consider them all family!! 

...and speaking of Rev3...

I am now working with a new Coach, THE amazing and wonderful Carole Sharpless and I am excited to head into 2013 with her at my side! 

2013 promises to be a year of 

Change, Growth, Positivity 

and being FEARLESS!!

Wishing you all the best in the coming new year! 
I'll post as much as I can on Facebook while in Florida. 
Who knows, I might even throw up a crazy blog post 
(from my mobile)

Happy New Year!! 

What the Camera Cannot Capture

I was recently asked to be a guest blogger on My Endurance Dream and thought I would share that post here as well. Please, take a moment to stop by Robin's blog and say hello. 

What the Camera Cannot Capture...

If you look at me today, you will see a woman who is fit, healthy and smiling. 

If you look at a picture of me from just a few years ago, you will see a much different image. What you will see is someone who was carrying around a lot of extra weight as well as a lot of sadness.

What started out as a quest to change my physical health and appearance ended up being a journey of emotional growth, self-love and finding true joy in life. There is no camera that can capture the biggest changes that have occurred in my life over the last four years.  

I was not always fat. I was “normal” (whatever that is...) most of my life. It was not until some drastic life changes brought me to a place where, in hindsight, I see that I had lost respect for myself and my health. Years of overconsumption took its toll on my body and before I knew it, I was in this body that was completely foreign to me. Not only did my body change, my personality changed drastically as well. A once social butterfly was content to sit home, watch TV and do absolutely nothing-isolating herself from the world. I neglected myself, friends and family. It was a dark time and a lifestyle that was in a downward spiral.

One day, I just had enough. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was so over feeling depressed, I was done with the sadness and I was ready for change. I wanted to be a Mom and I knew that there was no way I could be a Mother to anything the way I was...and just like that, one day I quit. 

I quit making excuses.

I quit smoking, drinking and eating garbage.

I quit quitting on myself.

The first fear I overcame was actually walking through the doors of the gym that first day. I was petrified. I thought everyone would be judging me (what’s that FAT GIRL doing in a GYM?). I think I lasted an entire 15 minutes walking that first day and I vowed to return the next day and walk just one minute more. The days turned into weeks and the weeks into months. Before I knew it, I was running. Running a mile without stopping was a tremendous victory for me. I was making small goals along the way and every time I would reach a goal, it gave me a boost. I was ACCOMPLISHING something. Little bits of self-esteem started to grow and each small step in the right direction was a learning experience for me.

I then discovered I pregnant and the journey to health became so much more important-it was no longer about ME, but this precious life that God had given me. I was going to be a Mother and I was determined to be the role model that this child could look up to and be proud of!

After the birth of my daughter it took me about 14 months to lose 100lbs. I would workout at home, in my living room, while she napped. We would take walks together and when Spring time came, I started jogging with her. I was in love! In love with being a Mom, in love with the new healthy life I was living and I was starting to love myself.

I kept a journal from day one of my journey where I would write down all these goals and dreams. Big or small, crazy or completely doable. If it was something that I wanted to do, I would write it in my journal. While losing the fat was important, the most important part of losing the weight was actually in achieving those goals I had set along the way. I started running for the sheer joy of running. I started racing and loved the challenge of racing against myself. I wasn’t out there to beat anyone else except myself.

It taught me to fight for what I want because it’s not always easy.
It showed me that I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for being.
I learned that it is ok to make mistakes, there is only failure in quitting.

Running helped me discover an inner drive, determination and strength I had never known; it also gave me a self-confidence and sense of accomplishment that had been missing my entire life.

The process of change continues to evolve - I learn more and more every day.

I am no longer fearful of change, I embrace it. 

I live a life that is happy and joyful. My daughter has never known me fat and unhappy, that is the biggest victory of all. 

So while I am a very different person on the outside, it is the inside, the real me where the biggest make-over happened.  That change was the most important one and no camera can capture the real changes that occurred.

Cutting Off Limbs {reload}

...cuTTiNg oFF LiMbS...

Big or small, we all have had limbs that need to be cut--It doesn't matter if you needed pruning shears or a commercial chainsaw.

A few years after I moved into my house, I decided that I wanted to plant more trees. I only had 2, so I added 3 more. I chose specific trees for specific spots for specific reasons. At first, each of my new trees had stakes with wires that wrapped around the trunk. I didn't like the way it looked but I knew that it was important in order for them to grow straight and be protected when storms or high winds came. Soon, it was time to remove the support system. My trees were big enough to stand alone.

After a couple of years, I was excited to see that my trees began to grow...so much so that they needed trimming. My brother, that doubles as my handyman, explained how you know what branches to cut off. Any branches that were too low or growing down or even small branches growing inward, needed to be trimmed off because they were taking "energy" away from the healthy branches and doing nothing to help the tree become bigger and stronger. It's important to not wait too long because as long as there are branches that need trimming still there...they are taking energy and nutrients away from the branches that are good. And if you never trim the tree, it will never become as big or strong or beautiful as it COULD have been.

Back in February, I did something I thought I would never do...something I thought I would never need to do. I started seeing a therapist. My marriage was a mess and demons from the past were haunting me. I felt like I needed someone to talk to that didn't know me and wouldn't judge me. I still remember the first day sitting in a strange room...on an old ugly couch...looking at a stranger...as I wept uncontrollably and tried to tell her all the things that have hurt me or that are bothering me...in an hour. I am a control freak. I like to have control because there were times as a child when I had all my power taken from me...times when I should've been protected but I wasn't...feelings I felt that were not feelings I should have been feeling at that age. And so I try to have as much control now as I can, even though it doesn't change the past. I like to do things how I want to do them...when I want to do them. I like to always look just right and stay composed when I can. I felt so out of control...so ugly...so damaged. This was completely out of my comfort zone, but there was something strangely comforting at the same time about just getting it all out...telling all my secrets...admitting my shame...letting myself be vulnerable.


After I purged myself of all the things that were bothering me...I quickly began to try and regain control by telling the therapist what exactly I was doing to make changes and try to correct these problems. I told her how hard it was/is and how disappointed and upset some people were with me. I told her that I felt alone and scared. Finally, when I let her speak, she looked at me surprisingly unfazed and said,

"You have been hurt badly. You have held it in and made the choice to never use these things as an excuse to protect everyone else and keep a sense of pride. No one would ever believe the things that you have suffered because you have covered them up so well. Now, you have chosen to correct this by cutting off the things and people that cause you pain. The problem is that you are like a tree that hasn't ever been pruned. Instead of getting rid of these things as they came, you waited and let them continue to grow. You had so many limbs to cut off that you now feel very bare and very alone."

This made perfect sense. I had let things grow that should have been cut off sooner and made some huge changes in my life. It wasn't until the secret pain became unbearable that I finally did something about it...and I did it all at once. It has been scary to make these decisions and hard to deal with the consequences that have followed, but every day is a little better. New branches are growing where old, unhealthy ones were and the people that love me are learning to accept my changes and love me unconditionally.

So, you probably wonder what this has to do with anyone other than me. It's a warning if you will. Don't let unhealthy "branches" grow on your "tree" because it seems too hard to get rid of them. Take the things out of your life that weigh you down or keep you from reaching your true potential. Don't have friends that don't accept your commitment to eat and live healthy. Don't surround yourself with jealous people that want to drag you down. Avoid unhealthy relationships that cause you to doubt your worth and rob you of your goals. And when you do need to cut off branches, be brave. Value yourself enough to put in the work it takes to be your best. Don't be afraid of feeling alone at times or vulnerable, because in time you will be glad you made the changes. Finally, don't be too proud to ask for help. When trees have large branches that break or need to be removed, sometimes it takes a professional because the job is too big to do on your own. Rely on the people that care about you to help you make changes. 

I cannot take credit for this blog post--but it is one of those powerful messages that I think everyone should read and anyone could apply to their own life. 
I just had to share. From the blog STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY

Just as it takes pruning to help a tree grow tall and strong, it takes making uncomfortable changes in our own lives to become the person we are meant to be. After the struggle...because of the work it takes to get there...in the end...we will become stronger than we ever thought possible

~Jen